Bloated to the max

I turn on the television and it's full of adverts for tablets to help with a bloated stomach. It's always women with them on the adverts. Do men get them? Is it only women?
The advert always have some women on a coffee afternoon with her friends rubbing her stomach. Maybe she's had too many chocolate cakes or coffee, NO, its something only women get - bloated stomach! Why doesn't one of her friends say "Sally, I think you've had too many cinnamon whirls you fat cow" us men would say that to each other.
Why do we have to invent problems that aren't really there? Bloated stomach means basically you've: eaten too much, drank too much fizzy pop or sparkling wine for the women of leisure or you really need to let out some wind.
This is where women fall short and suffer from a bloated stomach. Men fart loads and have no problems with a bloated stomach.
So in conclusion, sod taking a tablet, just forget being a classy lady. Don't feel like you have sinned for letting out some wind.

Those Pesky Kids

So Halloween is here, me being a miserable sod at times, i don't like it. I've never understood the need to celebrate Halloween. I've always thought of it as an American celebration, not something for us English folks. I first saw it in the film E.T. I'm sure that's how us folks in England got to see how Halloween is done. Every shop seems to join in the Halloween fun, the shops are full of cheap crap, green & black sweets and more rubber toys than Ann summers.

As for kids knocking on your door, what I pain that is!
I never did it when I was young, I never had the urge to go begging around the streets dressed as some freaky ghost thing.
Kids knocking time and time again days before Halloween. I feel like a prisoner in my own house, so fed up of answering the door to soon to be chavs with a black bin bag over their head wanting money rather than sweets. I've even resorted to turning down the TV, dimming the lights and keeping quiet when i hear the front gate open.

At least the Halloween films are something to enjoy but after spending two years in a haunted flat in Oldham the real experience definitely wasn't something to enjoy. Sleepless nights, banging on walls inside our room, moving items and strange happens.
I've never ever been so scared in my life when I was home alone one night in particular. I was at the sink washing up, yes men do wash up. I could hear footsteps slowly coming up behind me, like someone dragging their feet on the carpet. As it got nearer and nearer I thought "the girlfriend must be thinking she can make me jump by creeping up on me", so as I thought she was right behind me I quickly turned round..... My heart literally stopped, no-one was there, I've never been so scared, then quickly checked the rooms, no-one to be seen or heard, so keys in hand, locked the door and to the local shop I quickly went. I finally returned after a 15 minutes of scoffing chocolate to calm my nerves. I would of lost operation for sure after that, the guy would be dead!

So so glad I'm not living there anymore.
So if you here bangs or knocks in the night and your all alone..... It's probably them pesky kids begging for money at the front door - but then again.....it could be the central heating boiler - but then again................it could be the dog - but then again...................it could be the wife - but then again it could be something far scarier than the wife! YES it is possible.
It could be something else you can't explain, if so, run!

So Remember.....Don't have nightmares!

A right stitch up

Last week my Stitches were finally taken out, after the long wait i was finally seen. She confirmed that no cancer had shown up in the test results. Basically i was told, it's a skin deformity that caused growths around my nipple area. These were removed and that's what were sent for tests to be done on.
The stitches took some time pulling out and wasn't the nicest of experiences I've ever had. But It's not every day you get pulled by a polish nurse!

My page 3 dreams are over :)
But everything is clear & no further treatment is needed.



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A short n nippy update

One Week On…

It’s been just over a week since my hospital visit, and let’s just say—there have been a few surprises.

I expected some pain and discomfort, especially when stretching or reaching for things, but what I didn’t expect were all the weird sensations. A good morning stretch? Now that feels like playing a game of “don’t pop the stitches.” Not as relaxing as it used to be!

The weather hasn’t helped either. It’s turned cold, and, well… we all know what happens to nipples in the cold. When part of yours has been cut off, let’s just say it’s not a fun experience. That cold chill hits different now.

And in case you’re wondering—yes, even ice cream has betrayed me. One spoonful and the cold goes straight to the spot like a shockwave. Who knew dessert could be so savage?

Only a few days left until I get the final results and find out what’s behind all this.

In the meantime, I’m hoping the weather warms up—because right now, it’s just a bit too nippy for me.

If you missed what I'm on about here's my previous post:
http://ahuskyworld.blogspot.com/2011/09/keeping-you-abreast-of-things.html

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Keeping you abreast of things

Glad That’s Over With…

Two weeks of sleepless nights, wondering “what if?”—finally done.

It all started when I noticed a strange-looking growth near my nipple. Like most men, I brushed it off at first—“It can’t be anything serious, I’m a man. That’s a women’s issue, right?” But something didn’t sit right, so I gathered the courage to see my doctor.

Next thing I knew, I was being referred to the breast cancer unit at Oldham Hospital. It was surreal sitting in the waiting room—most people probably assumed it was my wife who was there for tests, not me. But the nurses assured me that male patients are more common than you might think.

First up was a consultation with a lovely Polish doctor. She asked the usual questions and even threw in, “Do you take steroids?” Maybe she was impressed when I took my top off—though, let’s be honest, probably not.

Win #1: After a thorough examination, she found no other lumps or signs of concern—what a relief.

Next was the ultrasound scan. Warm gel, quick scan, and more good news: no signs of cancer. Massive weight off my shoulders.

Then things took an unexpected turn. The consultant hadn’t seen a growth quite like mine before, so I was sent to medical illustrations for photos—apparently, I’m now part of a future case study. Another chapter in “Medical Mysteries of Andy.”

Back to the clinic, and time for a biopsy. Not gonna lie—I was not looking forward to this part. I signed the paperwork and immediately thought, “What have I just agreed to?”

Cue the arrival of instruments that looked like props from a horror film. As I lay there listening to them debate needle sizes, I piped up, “Smallest, please.”

The biopsy involved inserting a large needle into three sides of the nipple. Not exactly a party. Once it was numb, they removed a sample for testing. There was quite a bit of blood, and I ended up needing stitches. Didn’t faint, though I did go a bit pale.

Now I wait two weeks for the biopsy results and to have the stitches removed. Thankfully, we already know it’s not cancer, which is the biggest relief of all. The results will hopefully explain what’s causing the growth.

So, all is good.

Sorry if I didn’t mention any of this sooner—I wanted to wait until I knew the “C word” had been ruled out.

Thanks for reading.

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You Stole the Sun!

Why do us British have such a love of the weather? It doesn't really effect us like it does in places such as Russia, Alaska etc... Yet we are obsessed by the weather. As long as i can remember, mine like most parents always were more interested in the weather than the news at times. Why?

Everyone knows how the weather works, its nice and sunny when your stuck in work but then it decides to rain just at weekend as your planning trips. We don't have much sun here in the North West so maybe that's why we sit with bated breath waiting to see if Mr Sun will show his face.
When your young the weather takes on a different meaning like:
Rain = God is watching the dishes, or hes crying because you've been naughty.
Snow = God is brushing his Dandruff away.
Thunder = God is very angry with you.
Windy = God is drying his hair.
There are loads more gems like this that you are told as a kid.
It doesn't stop there, the weather presenter is a main feature. When i was a kid John Kettley was the main man, his classic jumpers and terrible tops were a joy to behold. Fred the Weather Man here in the North West is still on the TV, I've even got his autograph. He is a bit eccentric with even crazier jumpers. I also remember some guy on itv in the morning who always looked scruffy and like he had just got in from a long night out.

I think Ulrika Jonsson really kick started the love for weather in England. At times she couldn't get through the weather without giggling or messing something up, but that's what we all loved about her. Back then you would of never thought The England manager would be impressed on how she could handle balls better than most England Keepers!
Recently a few of the older weather people have moved along to allow fresh young talent through, like the lovely Lucy Verasamy. who brings back not only the fun and personalty into the weather reports but also something to look at too.

I've come to the conclusion that we love the weather presenters because they brighten up our dull weather in England.

Today in Oldham it's Cold, Windy and looks like rain.

Scream if you wanna go faster

Today we had a trip in to Manchester, not to steal a TV or a pair of designer jeans from a burnt out shop but to watch Jenson Button in his Mclaren F1 race around the streets of Manchester. It was all part of a big thank you from Vodaphone for making them lots of money.
A short race circuit was set up from Deansgate to Albert Square in Manchester City Centre.
We arrived a bit early so we could try and see Jenson Button. The start line was opposite the Hilton Hotel, where Jenson was staying. A few sporting celebs were around, Amir Kahn & Michael Vaughan. We finally saw Jenson come out the hotel and into the makeshift garage.

So then we made our way to find a decent viewing spot. This was more difficult than we thought, women with prams were causing mayem! As hard as we tried we couldn't get a good view. We decided to go into the Vodaphone VIP section, which had various Mclaren things in, a gift shop, F1 cars, go-karts and a few other things.
We finally found a spot at the end of the circuit but still not the best view.

When the F1 car finally came round....my god it was loud!
He came round a few times, so got to take some video's & photos.

That was it then, everyone started heading off so did we. Then over the speakers they said  Jenson would be going out again in 20mins.... Everyone raced to get back to the side of the track. We decided to go for the vodaphone VIP viewing stand to get a better view, it only holds 30 or so people. We managed to get on it, glad I was a vodaphone  customer which got me access to it.

Then the rain came while we waited, typical Manchester weather. Just as he was due out some guy decided to put his umbrella up, blocking our view.
Thankfully he put it down.
Button came round a couple more times, he stalled it at the donut point, so he had to get out and run to the end.

Had a great day watching an F1 car race around Manchester. Plus increased my love for F1.
Silverstone next year, I think.

Here's my video's i managed to film.....