It's New Years Eve!

To celebrate New Years Eve, here's the best New Years Eva's:
Eva Mendes




Eva Longoria




And Finally, Poland's Finest Eva Wyrwal




HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR EVE!


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You Down With O.C.D.? Yeah You Know Me!

Christmas holidays are here. A great time to go and watch Tron. So I check the listings and see a 10.30 showing. I think great not many people but then I notice it's subtitled & Audio Described!!
Subtitled? What's the point with that? Why should everyday people have to sit with subtitles along the bottom. Hollyoaks on a Sunday morning is bad enough.
Audio Described  is another silly thing. Imagine sat watching Saw 3D with a guy in your earphones telling you - "the sound of the blade ripping into the skull as sally screams"....."AHHHHHHH"
Leave all that till it's released on DVD for the disabled. They don't need 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround sound & they cant see in 1D let only 3D!!! So why do they give them special showings on the imax?
The Deaf and Blind seem to get a lot more advantages than other disabled people which i find unfair. People with Epilepsy are the latest craze for do-gooders but most people who have it, have no problems with flashing lights.
How long before OCD sufferers start getting special treatment? OCD meaning "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" NOT  "obsessive cullen disorder" that's mad girls obsessed with that annoying prick from Twilight, Edward Cullen.
 I can already see it..

• Asda open the first OCD only supermarket with fellow OCD sufferers employed to go round and straighten the goods on the selves. The asda price check would do well! It will be checked at least 5 times per hour so they couldn't ever be beaten on price.
• OCD Driving Lessons. Not sure if they would get past the... Mirror, signal, Maneuver etc....
• Security Guard OCD training. No door or window would ever be left unlocked, they would be checked and double checked.

Lets be sensible about this, lets help the disabled but lets not go OTT

I couldn't resist the title. Taken from Naughty by Natures song O.P.P

A Late Christmas Present From A Husky World

Here's A Late Christmas Present From A Husky World. This was my very own Christmas card that i made in photoshop, printed and sent out to my friends & family.

Try and spot as many christmas films & christmas characters as you can.

Finger Update

Hospital today for me. Thankfully everything looks to be healing as it should. I got a new Finger splint, a lot smaller than the last one. Just shows how swelled my finger must of been.
My finger is a bit squishy and softer than it should, plus it's got a nice bend to it.
On the downside, there is no bandage or anything covering my finger, so my horrid finger is on show for all to see.
I might stick a badge on my splint to warn people. It's definitely not PG viewing. More like a 16 rating. See for yourself...



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Finger puppet future

It's been a bad week or so for me. Trapping your finger in a big large format printer is not recommended at all.
Well that's what I did, if your abit squeamish don't read on...
Somehow I managed to get my ring finger trapped in the big front rollers of the printer.



I think I was trying to stop the material from falling on the floor when I must of glanced away for a split second. In that time my finger was rolling into the printer. My reaction was to pull my finger out, which took me two attempts. When maybe thinking afterwards, the emergency stop might of been a better option. Yet my instinct was to pull my finger out.
After a trip to the hospital The outcome of this was: it ripped the whole of my finger nail out and fractured my finger.



So it gets bandaged up and I'm sent on my way. Then to the fracture clinic I go. Then on goes a splint to protect my finger.



Back to the hospital every week now into next year. Pain killers are a great help but trying to sleep is a nightmare, can't get comfy, wake after knocking it also the wife catching it.
So will the nail grow back at all?
Will my finger be deformed?
Will it work properly again?
Or will it be completely fine?

If it's not, finger puppetry is the next job for me!




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Steam bath

How do women manage it? A bath that's so hot that if a man was to step foot into it, his foot would dissolve. It's like dunking tissue paper into a pot of acid. The room is like a sauna, the wallpaper slowly melts off the wall every time they have this steaming hot bath time that seems to last hours.
Women must have different skin than men.
They can even pick up pipping hot plates, cups and even the dreaded hot pop tarts!
Sod men being firemen, let's get the women in that job. They have all the qualifications needed (see above)



The downside is they're rubbish at directions, so by the time they will have arrived the house would have burnt down.


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You lost that loving feeling

The words "Top Gun" make you think of fast action, fighter planes , Tom cruise for the ladies and Kelly McGillis for the men. Tom cruise not changed much has he? But Kelly McGillis...




Well not my cup of tea these days. Turns out she's a lesbian now anyway.
Even the chuckle Brothers haven't aged that bad, in fact they look exactly the same.

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German Market

The German Market returns to Manchester. So after sitting through 90mins of a boring 1-1 game between Rochdale & Oldham in freezing temperatures, a trip to the Market is what's needed.


By the time we get to Manchester my feet have just about defrosted. Then back out into the cold we go. The first set of markets near the big wheel are the basic ones, with some cheap hats, jewellery & other tat. The next lot are a lot better, the smell of mulled wine & German Sausages... Mmmm


Some great stalls on the markets. Lots of good hand made stuff, but it's the food that wins. Loads of chocolate, nuts, sweets, and other various foreign yum yum food.
The only down side is the crowds, maybe best to go on a week day rather than a Saturday.
Wrap up warm, it was at least -3 when we went.


Go try the food, drink lots of mulled wine, even try ice skating or just watch people fall on their arse.


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Spider Scare

A quick post. Amazing what fun you can have at work with a dead spider.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uji8kcpfJU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

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Retards in disguise

Hasbro have destroyed my dream of owning a special needs transformer. My plans have now been scrapped - taking him for walks on a lead, day trips to pets at home but telling him were at Chester zoo and helping him to finally be able to transform.



Hasbro say "The TRANSFORMERS brand intended no offense by use of the name "SPASTIC" for one of its products which has not and will not be available via traditional retail channels in Europe, including the UK. Thank you once again for notifying us about your concern. As a marketer of children’s products, input from parents, families and fans regarding their experiences with our brands is extremely important to us. Our goal is to have all families who enjoy our brands feel good about their purchases and experiences"
Apparently in the USA, the word "spastic" means a clumsy person. But not here in England.

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Ginger-licking good

How did we get where we are with the ginger folk? Gingers are know by pale skin, freckles and red hair. Most people think that "Gingers" always smell of milk just like veggies smell of apple.




Approximately 1% to 2% of the human population has red hair, which put them in the firing line.
It's seems that gingers can be bullied with nothing done about it, yet racism is frowned upon. Surely it's the same thing.
I did a search for gingers and this came up...



The question is do Gingers have souls or not?

In the old days Redheads were feared because in folklore they were believed to be the devil's children and have red hair because they were conceived during their mother's menstruation. Amazing how folklore has carried on through the years with Ginger people still teased and looked down on.

Famous gingers are:
Chuck Norris - actor
Queen Elizabeth I - queen of the gingers
Ginger Spice - has been
Prince Harry - king of gingers
Nicole Kidman - actress
Mick Hucknall - tit
David Caruso - actor
Paul Scholes - man utd footballer




Alex Sim-Wise - sexy model, writer and TV presenter.

So let's all hug a Ginger, let them know we all still love them.

Holidays are coming UPDATE

Holidays are coming UPDATE

‘Holidays Are Coming’ TV commercial. The official start of the Christmas season, the much-loved coca-cola advert will be screened on Friday 12th November.


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Valentine

February 14th is valentines day. Not long to go to find a treat for that special person in your life. So many gifts you can get these days. A romantic meal is a good idea, flowers, a trip to Paris, sexy underwear or why not take her to Blackpool...


Just try and avoid the hen and stag drunks while walking down a cold, wet and windy promenade.

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It's not Christmas till...

It's getting to that time of the year again when Christmas starts appearing in front of you everywhere. It starts with supermarkets slowly filling up aisle at a time with Christmas goodies. First it's the cards, then food, then toys and then loads of other junk.
For me it's not Christmas till I hear the opening lines "holidays are coming, holidays are coming..."
Yes the coca-cola advert.
I've still sit infront of the tele waiting like an excited Christmas coke virgin for the advert.

Clock crazy

Why are we still bothering with moving the clocks forward or backwards? Why do we still need to do it?
The farmers have something called electricity these days, so why move the clocks?
It just screws up everyone:
1. People forget to change the clocks.
2. We wake up and it's dark, we go home when it's dark.
3. Apple iphone alarm software can't cope with it.
4. You have to spend an hour that you got free by going round and changing all your clocks at home.
5. There's always one clock or watch that hasn't been changed.
6. The confusion of, is it old time or new time when you first wake up.
7. More animals get killed in the mornings, as it is darker.

So let's just stick with a time and not change it.


On a separate note, why even start a game of football when the pitch is already waterlogged?
Rochdale v Oldham








From the Manchester Evening News:

"As well as protecting both sets of the players, it also meant the Spotland pitch remained unscathed ahead of Friday’s FA Cup first round clash against FC United."

Keith Hill quote from MEN:

"....unfortunately we’ve not been able to see the game through but we have an exciting game to look forward to on Friday against FC United, and the pitch will be good for that match. We didn’t want the pitch ripping up for the sake of one game."

Never mind about the 3200 latics fans that bought a programme, beer, food and travel costs. Should of been called off a 6pm!!!


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Denied

Don't you hate it when you go to the beach and get sand between your toes. Also it's a job to get from your spot in the sun to the sea without burning your feet on the hot sand.
Okay...maybe one downside to it. No more Kelly Brook running to stop her feet burning on the hot sand.


I've had this idea for ages about some type of sock for the beach. It beats a flip flop that always falls off or trips you up.
The sock could be in different colours to match your speedos or swimming costume.

What a great idea I thought, plans of dragons den came flooding through my head, world domination etc....

Then the shock of finding out someone has already done it... Gutted

http://www.sandsocks.net/

Hope nobody steals my next idea of door handle & full door combo for left handed people



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Bring on the wall

BRING ON THE WALL




It's a sad day when gang leader Anton Du Beke and his fellow gang members Austin Healey and I'm A Celebrity winner Joe Swash resort to using their love of getting through Walls and using it for crime!
Various Cash machines in and around Middleton, Manchester have been robbed, with the gang using their ability to get through holes to get the cash out.
The cries of "bring on the wall" have been heard late into the night around the local area.
Measures have been put into place in the local night clubs with the infamous glory holes being filled in, due to clubbers fear of Anton Du Beke and his gang hoping to access these holes.
Golf Courses will be open as usual.


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If you start a job finish it

Amazing how people get praised for not doing their job. Look at these miners, meeting celebs now, presidents, probably Chico next.
All because they didn't do their job correctly. If they dug the hole correctly it wouldn't of caved in. They are miners, so why didn't they at least start digging out? They could of easily of done it in the 69 days they were trapped down there, rather than sat playing poker, pin the tale on the donkey, scrabble and re-acting scenes from the film The Descent (each took turns dressed in the latex suit that the miner Joe bloggs had with him, to scare the shit out of the others)

What next? People at the crematoria unable to turn the oven on so....we have to bury our own dead relatives. November the 5th will be a night of fireworks, treacle toffee, bonfires and dead grandma flo strapped onto a rocket!!!

It's started at asda already, scanning your own shopping because some lazy student doesn't want to do it anymore.
It's like if a surgeon is doing an operation and it gets abit tricky he hands you the knife and says good luck with that!

If you start a job finish it, don't give them all a medal because they screwed up and then couldn't be bothered to get out. Haven't they watched the great escape? Shawshank Redemption?


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Why I turned out the way I am

Ever think what you watched as a child made you who you are today? Being born in 1978, I experienced the cartoons of Transformers, Thundercats, Superted, Danger mouse and He-Man.







The final one I mentioned He-Man.... Well when I look back on it this was abit strange, He-Man was a blonde beefy guy in tight pants. He had a cast of other characters along side him, who's names are kind of abit rude or can be taken in a different meaning these days like:
Ram-Man, Fisto & Extendar....all very sexual I think.

Then there's....
Beast Man
Faker
Whiplash
Strongarm
Trap-Jaw.

And people wonder why kids from the 80's are abit odd and wierd... Blame He-Man!!!!






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Baby baby baby...

Come on feel the noise (babies crying)
My thoughts on babies are that fat/big babies must of been in too long feeding on too much from it's mum, they should of come out earlier...The same could be said with babies that are born with hair - they've been in long enough for them to grow hair.






Skinny or small babies should of been kept in alot longer, they needed more food. The women just need to hold them in abit longer just like when you need to fart and your in a lift or a meeting , you just keep your fart in as long as you can, yeah it feels abit of an ache but such a relief when it's out.

That looks tasty

A new book turns up at our house today - the new nigella lawson cook book.


just flicking through the pages past the food to find the lovely nigella in some seductive pose reminds me of the days as a young pup when looking through the littlewoods catalog, then it was skipping past cotton jumpers to arriving at the nightwear then in to the bra section.
You guys know what I mean, don't say you never did it...

Power Fail

I got my Power Balance recently, since then i've not had the best of times. It has cursed me!


It says it should work with my body's natural energy flow. The complete opposite for me, no energy, lack of sleep, aches and flu, definitely not athletic or sportsman material! The Power Balance wristband contains a Mylar hologram designed to react with the body's natural energy. Mine must of contained a evil visionaries hologram from the darkling lords.


The visionaries were a classic kids tv show that I loved.
So the band is off from today, so time will tell if it helps me feel better without it on.

Film of the week

Jackboots on Whitehall






Can the nation unite in time to make one last stand against the Nazi forces? Jackboots whitehall tells the story of an alternate WWII in which the Nazis plan to tunnel under the English Channel and into the heart of London in order to capture Britain while the country’s army is elsewhere. A small group of villagers represent the last line of defense against the Nazis. It's a British animation, using plastic toys, if you liked Team America then you will love this

Here is the Trailer for the film

12A, 92mins, opens Friday, October 8th

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Non-Wonder Book Cover of the Solar System

I've been informed that Brian Cox (Professor Brian Cox, OBE is a particle physicist, a Royal Society research fellow, and a professor at the University of Manchester as well as researcher on one of the most ambitious experiments on Earth, the ATLAS experiment on the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland. He is best known to the public as a science broadcaster and presenter of the highly popular BBC2 series Wonders of the Solar System. He was also the keyboard player in the UK pop band D:Ream in the 1990s) has a new book out called Wonders of the Solar System.

I think they could of done better with the cover. What do you guys think...?

But still please go and buy the book, it has big pictures in it, so people like me who have no idea what the hadron collider does - except it sounds like a new kind of death star to bring about the end of the world!!!!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0007386907?ie=UTF8&tag=giamil-21&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=6738&creativeASIN=0007386907

So i've decided to make three new and improved covers

The Oldham Version

The Button Moon Version

The Masters Of The Universe Version

Left handers

A new study shows that Placing a magnet on your head can temporarily turn you from a right-hander to a left-handed person.
In the experiment researchers used a powerful magnetic field to temporarily confuse the brains of volunteers and change their hand preferences.
The effects lasted only while the magnet was switched on and appears to have caused no lasting changes.
Thankfully it doesn't change us right handers into weirdo left handers forever. It shows you have to really mess up your head with a big magnet to be a lefty.



Being left handed must cause problems locking and unlocking doors.
Also shaking hands and receiving change.
And the computer mouse is on the wrong side.

I conclude that Left handers cause problems and must have a magnetic implanted piece in their brain.

Glad I'm right handed!!!


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Vernon Goal Cat Shocker

Thought I would have a try at some video editing...

Scott Vernon's goal in the FA Cup 3rd round  against Manchester City 2005
Oldham Athletic 1 Manchester City 0

Katy Perry sings "Hot N Cold" with Elmo on Sesame Street!

This show is brought to you by....

Katy Perry seems to be all over the papers these past few weeks with a new found love for everything hairy Russell Brand seems to have started off her love for the hairy things in life.




Now she's marrying the hairy posh tramp she can't stay away from hairy fuzz balls -
The cast of Sesame Street was high on her hit list. Elmo prime target number 1, chasing poor Elmo round the streets in her sesame street appearance. When she finally caught him, she skinned him and now keeps him close to her chest




The show is brought to you by the number 38 and the letter double D!!!!
Looks like Russell is safe from being skinned but muppets & fraggles beware!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4272VkGdl00&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Sort me out some magic stars mate?

Why do class A druggies get free low grade drugs to help them with their addiction, but I'm a chocoholic & I don't get given cadburys milk buttons 2 help me? How better would the streets be, instead of some low life offering crack, it will be a pleasant old lady selling magic stars on the street corner. but i'm worried it may get out of control... Sherbet powder in the local bars......popping candy will take glasgow by storm and don't mention Werther's orginals.

Mind Your Step

Why don't horse riders get fined for their horses crapping on the road? But dog owners get fined for doing the same! It's just not fair. Horse poo must be x10 the size of dog poo and if you stand in it...well you are well and truly in the shit. plus if we walked our dog along the road we would get arrested, fined etc... but horses can go where they want, shit where they want,

BUT!!! Bring Back the Rag n Bone man, I miss seeing a dirty tramp on a horse n cart coming up the street. Let's give all tramps free horse n carts!

For those who don't know the Rag and bone man is a british phrase for a junk dealer. Historically the phrase referred to an individual who would travel the streets of a city with a horse drawn cart, and would collect old rags (for converting into fabric and paper), bones for making glue, scrap iron and other items, often trading them for other items of limited value.

They would use a distinctive call to alert householders to their presence, and/or ring a hand bell. They would call out "rag-and-bone", delivered in a sing-song fashion. Long usage tended to simplify the words, for instance down to "any raa-boh".

Iceland Volcano

No more news on the volcano in iceland, looks like my idea to get the old women from knitting shreddies & get them making a massive rug to drop it onto the volcano in Iceland using helicopters has worked!!!!


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Fat fighters

Knackered..just done a 2 minutes walk to the shop and back and I've had it, now I know how it feels for fat people!
Except I have the flu

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Johnny Vaughan

Johnny Vaughan go back to where ever you have been for the last 10 years!
He's no longer funny ever since big breakfast ended. He's been lost in a space time of shitty presenters.


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Microwaves zaps your age

You know when your old when you get so much satisfaction from how a new microwave looks


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Spongebob

I'm full of the flu at the minute, not man flu but proper flu, feel so tired, wish I had the energy n happiness of Spongebob.

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A Husky World

A Husky World is my blog, my head is full of ideas, some good some bad some stupid some wrong.